How the fuck should I know?

Rainbows, unicorns, customers, clients, ponies, dicks, shit like that. Stickman comics where Grant's character always wears a dress.

Wednesday, May 7, 2014

Microsoft

Dear Microsoft,

Suck a big dick you fucking morons.

If I have to delete registry keys repeatedly to remote into a server in my fucking living room, your OS might be a pile of shit.

Regards,
Everyone who isn't retarded.

Lunch

New card, new chapter, this one was tough.

 Chapter Three

 Lunch

        He swallowed the booze and pulled air through his teeth, savouring the icy waves of fire as he swirled the remaining liquid in the bottle. Only three fingers left.  He finished brushing off two pills and popped them in his mouth, crushing them between his teeth. Judging by the sunlight steaming through the gaps in the blinds it was close to noon.  Lunch.  He gathered his laptop and gave a few crumbs from the stale loaf of bread on the counter to those goddamn fish on his way out.  Gotta find some sunglasses.  He shielded his eyes from the glaring sun, surprised at how little things had changed, even though everything was different now.  Crime and corporations Heh hadn't dissolved with the government.  Commerce?  Commerce was human nature, and voids were filled quickly, if not adequately.  He was certain radio and television broadcasts would fill the airwaves as soon as the brownouts and blackouts were under control.  He was on his was to The Method, a holdover from before that had evolved into a sort of catch-all provisions monger.  He wasn't sure which corporation or syndicate was backing The Method, and he didn't much care.  He ordered the usual, lunch and supplies for later, while he sat in the corner and fired up his laptop.  He began trolling through the newslists catching up on the situation around the world.  Pretty much the same everywhere, a few holdouts in the Middle East, but they were barely out of the stone age to begin with.  The situation was worldwide, a handful of documents exposed, scores of explosions and the rise of private and corporate security forces enforcing their own brand of civilization on the masses.  As he began trawling the wires looking for work his mind began to drift in the ether.

     "I'm coming with you" she stated matter of factly.  "I'm bored and you might need me" He thought back to her performance in the alley a few days before and sighed.  Not that it matters what I think.  "Fine, but it could take all night, these guys aren't exactly known for their punctuality.  Bring something to keep yourself occupied."  He gathered his gear, laptop, credstick and the thumbdrive containing the information he was about to trade.  He had stumbled across it while looking for, well, exactly that type of information.  Loose information floating through the wires, information that would be worth something to the right parties. 

    He perched atop the empty crates in the alley, idly flipping through the newswire, one eye watching as she pawed through her seemingly bottomless pack.  Coils of cables, connectors, a pile of gadgets in various states of disrepair or modification, it was difficult to tell which was which.  The little piles inexplicably grew larger while the pack seemed to remain full.  Curiosity finally got the better of him and he set his miniterminal off to the side,"What are you looking for?"  "Lunch," she said without looking up, "here it is"  She pulled a wet looking waxy wad of paper from the depths of her pack.  What could that possibly be? She rummaged some more pulling out various coloured bottles and baggies.  After a few minutes of watching her assemble the various bottles and bags from her never-ending pouch curiosity got the better of him.  He tried to lean over and get a peek at her concoction, but she noticed his interest and shuffled around, squatting between him and her prize.  One hand shot out and rummaged through the bag without looking, returning with a small zipstove.  She yanked the zip-strip out of the small round device and with a hiss and puff of acrid smoke a steady blue flame appeared.  She freed a wad of foil from her pocket and spread it across the grate of the zipstove.  A few pokes and prods and a little shuffling later she stood up, spinning with a flourish and with a mocking half bow extended her hands. "Hotdogs?" as he arched a brow.  "What do you think I have the entirety of The Method in my bag?  "Take it or I'll eat both I...". She was interrupted as light flooded the alley from behind them.  

    He shielded his eyes and squinted at the end of the alley, the sound of car doors slamming from the opposite end caught him off guard.  Two men in suits and sunglasses approached while four more waited at the mouth of the alley.  "You have something we want." a soft voice filled his head.  The lights behind them got brighter.

 Something is wrong



Very wrong